id: 1336548 - Text: @barrett5540 I just typed my life story and then accidentally deleted it. It wasn't meant to b shared so openly, on YouTube. It's rather comical that you've found my "one more again" comment perplexing. I'm going to be perfectly honest with you and you'll probably no longer converse with me.
I'm happy that you had the love of a family. I had both parents but my home was hugely dysfunctional. My father was gay and in the closet. My mother was an incest "victim" with an IQ of 138. Dad was physically present and emotionally absent. (I don't even know his favorite color) I was the "token black" in school and neighborhood. I was bullied by my peers and teachers. I didn't belong anywhere so I hung with other outcasts. I began stealing my patent's valium at 12 yrs. I grew up in the 70's. Lots of drugs...pot, 714's, black beauties, ad infinitum. Then disco hit, acid, alcohol, mushrooms, SEX.
I dropped outta college and after 17 yrs of working in nightclubs up and down the East Coast, I earned a BA in English at a HBCU, (a great experience).
I've had one love and four boyfriends in my entire life YET I was extremely promiscuous, (somewhere between 4-400 partners).😰. God is and has always watched over me. I was never raped, beaten, or diseased. I wasn't a prostitute, I was empty.
To. be continued.....
id: 1336551 - Text: @kimbrent1971 yes, I was blessed with a wonderful set of parents. I do know that immensely. Now.
It was not always so.
My father was a strict authoritarian. He was a career military man. He was a Drill Sargent during the Vietnam War. He also trained Century Dogs during the Korean Conflict. He worked Security to the top brass at the Pentagon early in his career. I had no idea what his work entailed while growing up. Like your Dad, mine was present when he wasn’t deployed, but he was of the mindset that children are to be seen & not heard. He didn’t know me, or any of us kids for that matter. Not really. My Dad was very commanding & distant. It was critical to Not bring shame upon him, to fall in to line with his expectations.
His style of communication with us was to lecture us. Not listen. I often described my Dad as a “hard boiled egg”. I did all I could to be invisible to my Dad, to not bring on his Wrath. He was easily angered. My Dad was also extremely protective of his family. He loved my Mom. He was entirely committed to his word & their marriage. They had 60 years together before he died. God bless them for that! So, I always knew that family ties do bind. Forever. They were a powerful witness to sacrifice & commitment. But it was not easy, nor rosy. The deepest hurt in my formative years came when my Dad told me that he had Not wanted children at all.
But, birth control wasn’t available in the 50’s & early 60’s. Wow. That explained a lot.
Regardless, he & Mom had four of us kids. He was a man of his word & honor. They did the best they could. Time does heal.
My mother, on the other hand,
was even tempered, very loving & kind to all four of us children.
She was the glue that held our family together. My Mom was my best friend all throughput my life. She & I had a special bond. At the end of her life My Mamma thought I was her sister. Yes Mamma, we are:
Sisters in Christ, no doubt.
I look very much like my Mom & her sister. Such as it is.
Anyway,
That’s the set up.
Needless to say each of us kids all rebelled against my Dad’s authoritarianism to one degree or another. I became the proverbial “prodigal child”.
I moved 1100 miles away from my family to seek “freedom “.
I was gone for 20years in search of myself. I royally fucked up. The details are somewhat similar to yours Kim.
Sex, drugs, rock n roll. Our generation. I was raped at the age of 18. Stole my virginity.
Set me up to become wary & vigilant about my physical safety. I never told. I was ashamed to disclose that. I was brutally assaulted in a club when I was 29 years old. I never talked of that either. I carry a chronic SI spinal injury because of that. Such as it is. I thought I was careful about my safety, but substance use was always the error in my judgement that caused me to put myself in harms way. I did not prostitute myself either. But, I lost my moral compass. I chose who I wanted freely. I didn’t think of myself as promiscuous, but indeed I was. Much of that has fallen into the sea of forgetfulness once I confessed
to The Lord, repented of my waywardness, & was truly granted forgiveness by God.
I don’t want to think of the number of men I shared myself with. Many. All of that is in the rear view window now. Thank God!!! When I reached the end of myself I was completely suicidal. I recognized that I truly had become a “harlot” & an addict. A harlot in my mind is:
One who takes on lovers & gives oneself away freely. Pure hedonism. Pagan. No virtue.
No man ever was willing to make an “honest woman out of me”. That was sorrowful in my heart. Oh well. Such it was. My choice to take them on because of my choice of what I considered beautiful. Ugh.
I hate myself still for those years. I was forgiven; but I still live with the consequences of my choices. I never contracted any disease either, for which I am very lucky that way.
The hole & emptiness in my heart became suicidal. Unbearable. Lost in the wilderness I was. I was akin to Icarus in Greek mythology. I flew to close to the sun, burned my wings, & fell to earth, close to death.
... to be continued... ...
id: 1336553 - Text: @barrett5540 okay, where to begin???? I want to address all that I related to and that's practically everything. I wanna b clear and concise cuz I hear you and I want you to hear me. This is a RARE experience, kinda like a dress rehearsal B4 I meet Christ, (I boarder on the dramatic)😆. So...let's travel back to my breakdown.
I fell in love and abstained from alcohol and illicits. The relationship ended, the use resumed. Looking for acceptability I married a dude that was good in bed and had the potential to b remade. We had NOTHING in common. He wtd to hitch is wagon to my star. He was a braggart and a fraud. I had sex with him 3xs once I discovered I was pregnant with my daughter. My marriage lasted 18 months. The failure of my parent's marriage, coupled with my own, post partum issues, a failing career, and unreasonable/unattainable expectations of motherhood resulted in me throwing up my hands in surrender. I didn't loose anything. I gave up/in. I resigned from my role as mother, teacher, daughter, sister, wife and neighbor. The guilt and shame kicked my ass regardless of the amt of heroin I consumed. I sought professional help within 6 mos. For the next fifteen yrs I managed my consumption of illegals. I put the men and music down and I kept the same apt & phone number, in attempt to b prepared in case my kid changed her mind about me. (she's never warmed to me🤕).
id: 1336586 - Text: @kingramseyii3686 what manipulation is needed? They have sex, he pays her.... that's it
id: 1336649 - Text: @TONY DPHAX KING most the of the sex workers he interviews say that. They're meaning that black pimps often pose as John's and then kidnap/assault them/force them to work for them. So she avoids "dates" with black men
id: 1336653 - Text: @lavenderlunchbox her father was asking her for sexual favors and her mom heard him idk what kind of a good father would solicit his own daughter for sex, oh that’s right I forgot he’s a bm
id: 1336785 - Text: A wifey is a bi sexual woman's girlfriend.
id: 1336786 - Text: It’s used mainly as a term for a best friend. Sometimes it’s sexual in nature sometimes not. But it’s a way to show how close they are.
id: 1336792 - Text: @TheAshMcG its also lesbian bi sexual term for female with a female
id: 1336888 - Text: Ugh, who tf is having sex with these people you find? Thats gross af...