metiska onlyfans

WEBVTT | Kind: captions

00:00:05.829 --> 00:00:05.839 | welcome back amber hi mark how are you

00:00:07.590 --> 00:00:07.600 | i'm amazing

00:00:10.549 --> 00:00:10.559 | you you are amazing so wonderful tell me

00:00:12.230 --> 00:00:12.240 | what's going on in your life

00:00:14.629 --> 00:00:14.639 | well lately um we just buried my

00:00:17.029 --> 00:00:17.039 | grandmother mary rock oh i'm sorry

00:00:20.070 --> 00:00:20.080 | she died from the kovic

00:00:22.390 --> 00:00:22.400 | and um her favorite son

00:00:23.670 --> 00:00:23.680 | gave it to her

00:00:26.230 --> 00:00:26.240 | my uncle anthony

00:00:27.990 --> 00:00:28.000 | gave her kovic

00:00:30.310 --> 00:00:30.320 | and it killed her how was she she was

00:00:32.389 --> 00:00:32.399 | 84.

00:00:34.950 --> 00:00:34.960 | 84 is a good ride though yes she she did

00:00:36.950 --> 00:00:36.960 | all she she did all she could for all

00:00:38.470 --> 00:00:38.480 | her grandkids

00:00:45.029 --> 00:00:45.039 | she was she was who kept the family

00:00:46.549 --> 00:00:46.559 | together yeah

00:00:48.709 --> 00:00:48.719 | yeah i'm sorry about that that's okay

00:00:51.029 --> 00:00:51.039 | i'll be sorry she's in heaven now

00:01:02.869 --> 00:01:02.879 | and what's going on in your life in my

00:01:04.710 --> 00:01:04.720 | life now um i'm trying to get it

00:01:07.510 --> 00:01:07.520 | together i'm taking it one day at a time

00:01:09.030 --> 00:01:09.040 | taking it one day at a time i'm getting

00:01:11.429 --> 00:01:11.439 | more involved with my kids

00:01:12.950 --> 00:01:12.960 | so um so

00:01:14.149 --> 00:01:14.159 | after your first video a lot of people

00:01:15.429 --> 00:01:15.439 | were

00:01:16.710 --> 00:01:16.720 | upset that you they're worried about

00:01:18.469 --> 00:01:18.479 | your daughter who's staying with and

00:01:20.469 --> 00:01:20.479 | i've seen her we've been we've been in

00:01:22.710 --> 00:01:22.720 | contact with each other now um what

00:01:24.710 --> 00:01:24.720 | happened was she didn't nothing's

00:01:26.390 --> 00:01:26.400 | happening with her father you know he's

00:01:28.710 --> 00:01:28.720 | taking good care of her but um

00:01:30.469 --> 00:01:30.479 | however he needs to keep her around her

00:01:33.109 --> 00:01:33.119 | family more i would love him to

00:01:35.030 --> 00:01:35.040 | put her with her family more you know

00:01:36.950 --> 00:01:36.960 | sammy um

00:01:39.590 --> 00:01:39.600 | uh she hasn't been touched by him but

00:01:41.749 --> 00:01:41.759 | she has been touched

00:01:42.870 --> 00:01:42.880 | um

00:01:44.710 --> 00:01:44.720 | she was raped

00:01:47.190 --> 00:01:47.200 | so i found out she was sexually active

00:01:49.270 --> 00:01:49.280 | and i went to her immediately to find

00:01:50.870 --> 00:01:50.880 | out what was going on how old is she

00:01:52.789 --> 00:01:52.799 | she's 14 14

00:01:55.990 --> 00:01:56.000 | yes so who who got at her uh one of her

00:01:57.749 --> 00:01:57.759 | friend her she went to spend the night

00:01:59.350 --> 00:01:59.360 | at a friend's house and the friend's

00:02:02.149 --> 00:02:02.159 | older brother did it and she stays in

00:02:03.990 --> 00:02:04.000 | malibu she stays in malibu so this

00:02:06.069 --> 00:02:06.079 | happened in malibu no this happened at

00:02:07.749 --> 00:02:07.759 | one of her friend's house

00:02:10.150 --> 00:02:10.160 | which is where i don't know

00:02:12.949 --> 00:02:12.959 | oh i don't know what which friend it was

00:02:15.110 --> 00:02:15.120 | or where they live but i know that it

00:02:17.030 --> 00:02:17.040 | happened

00:02:19.110 --> 00:02:19.120 | and my thing was

00:02:22.070 --> 00:02:22.080 | i wanted to educate her about sex since

00:02:24.070 --> 00:02:24.080 | she's had it

00:02:25.589 --> 00:02:25.599 | as a parent that's what i'm supposed to

00:02:26.309 --> 00:02:26.319 | do

00:02:31.910 --> 00:02:31.920 | nobody's perfect

00:02:34.710 --> 00:02:34.720 | she's not perfect and i'm not perfect so

00:02:41.030 --> 00:02:41.040 | i'm sorry about that too

00:02:48.150 --> 00:02:48.160 | how does that make you feel makes me

00:02:51.110 --> 00:02:51.120 | feel awful i told her i said baby it's

00:02:53.589 --> 00:02:53.599 | because mama wasn't there for you right

00:02:55.509 --> 00:02:55.519 | she said she didn't even look at me she

00:02:57.430 --> 00:02:57.440 | just looked the other way

00:02:59.509 --> 00:02:59.519 | she just looked oh wait

00:03:01.670 --> 00:03:01.680 | i said what's his name

00:03:04.309 --> 00:03:04.319 | you tell me his name

00:03:05.670 --> 00:03:05.680 | i want to make sure it's not none of my

00:03:08.550 --> 00:03:08.560 | friends sons

00:03:09.910 --> 00:03:09.920 | period

00:03:16.390 --> 00:03:16.400 | my job is as a parent was to

00:03:17.350 --> 00:03:17.360 | to

00:03:19.670 --> 00:03:19.680 | tell her you know that it wasn't her

00:03:20.630 --> 00:03:20.640 | fault

00:03:21.750 --> 00:03:21.760 | and

00:03:24.470 --> 00:03:24.480 | and it was going it happened and

00:03:25.670 --> 00:03:25.680 | it was something that i could have

00:03:27.589 --> 00:03:27.599 | prevented by not letting her go spend

00:03:29.270 --> 00:03:29.280 | the night at her friend's house

00:03:30.710 --> 00:03:30.720 | she should not be allowed to go spend

00:03:32.710 --> 00:03:32.720 | the night nowhere

00:03:36.630 --> 00:03:36.640 | but i can't control that because

00:03:39.430 --> 00:03:39.440 | her dad has physical custody of her and

00:03:40.869 --> 00:03:40.879 | he got that

00:03:46.309 --> 00:03:46.319 | he lied to the court okay and told them

00:03:48.390 --> 00:03:48.400 | that he served me with papers that's how

00:03:50.470 --> 00:03:50.480 | he got her i didn't give my daughter to

00:03:51.750 --> 00:03:51.760 | him

00:03:52.949 --> 00:03:52.959 | i he

00:03:54.550 --> 00:03:54.560 | he lied to them and said that he served

00:03:56.390 --> 00:03:56.400 | me with papers and he never served me

00:03:58.229 --> 00:03:58.239 | with a paper at all so she's staying

00:03:59.910 --> 00:03:59.920 | with her biological father he she

00:04:01.190 --> 00:04:01.200 | staying with

00:04:03.750 --> 00:04:03.760 | her presumed father you understand what

00:04:05.190 --> 00:04:05.200 | i'm saying and the judge said that you

00:04:07.429 --> 00:04:07.439 | don't have to be a logical parent to be

00:04:09.670 --> 00:04:09.680 | a parent so

00:04:11.509 --> 00:04:11.519 | that's what the judge said does he think

00:04:13.750 --> 00:04:13.760 | he's her biological father he knows he's

00:04:15.670 --> 00:04:15.680 | not her biological father

00:04:17.990 --> 00:04:18.000 | he knows that and he still

00:04:19.909 --> 00:04:19.919 | he takes care of her he does a good job

00:04:22.469 --> 00:04:22.479 | yes he does all right job he's not doing

00:04:24.950 --> 00:04:24.960 | the best but he's a man you can't raise

00:04:26.390 --> 00:04:26.400 | a woman

00:04:28.870 --> 00:04:28.880 | a man can't raise a woman

00:04:31.670 --> 00:04:31.680 | he takes a woman to where he's a woman

00:04:33.590 --> 00:04:33.600 | and um i've been in her life and i'm

00:04:36.310 --> 00:04:36.320 | i've been involved i'm doing my part can

00:04:38.310 --> 00:04:38.320 | a woman raise a young man

00:04:40.710 --> 00:04:40.720 | a woman can raise a man probably

00:04:43.030 --> 00:04:43.040 | uh to her best ability

00:04:44.870 --> 00:04:44.880 | she can't teach him everything

00:04:47.189 --> 00:04:47.199 | she can't teach him how to be a man

00:04:48.390 --> 00:04:48.400 | no

00:04:57.110 --> 00:04:57.120 | tell me about the casitas oh the casitas

00:04:58.870 --> 00:04:58.880 | are you still going back i've been going

00:05:00.629 --> 00:05:00.639 | there but i've been trying to stay off

00:05:03.590 --> 00:05:03.600 | lay off the see i only go there now to

00:05:06.469 --> 00:05:06.479 | it it jogs my brain for for my book that

00:05:07.510 --> 00:05:07.520 | i'm writing

00:05:09.110 --> 00:05:09.120 | so the casitas are underground gambling

00:05:11.590 --> 00:05:11.600 | for those who don't know yeah it is and

00:05:13.510 --> 00:05:13.520 | what it's doing for me it stimulates my

00:05:14.310 --> 00:05:14.320 | brain

00:05:16.390 --> 00:05:16.400 | it gives me ideas

00:05:18.310 --> 00:05:18.320 | you know it

00:05:19.830 --> 00:05:19.840 | it helps me

00:05:21.430 --> 00:05:21.440 | with my book

00:05:23.029 --> 00:05:23.039 | that i'm writing you're writing a book

00:05:25.990 --> 00:05:26.000 | it's about your life about my life

00:05:28.150 --> 00:05:28.160 | so i'm not the best at writing it so i'm

00:05:29.350 --> 00:05:29.360 | going to need some help from someone

00:05:30.870 --> 00:05:30.880 | that's probably therapeutic as well it

00:05:32.870 --> 00:05:32.880 | is very therapeutic for me

00:05:35.189 --> 00:05:35.199 | the casitas was therapeutic

00:05:37.189 --> 00:05:37.199 | but they are they were they were there

00:05:39.110 --> 00:05:39.120 | for me when no one else would what tell

00:05:41.189 --> 00:05:41.199 | me what the uh the benefits of going to

00:05:43.670 --> 00:05:43.680 | a underground gambling spot

00:05:46.150 --> 00:05:46.160 | are the benefits are

00:05:53.029 --> 00:05:53.039 | you don't have to have id

00:05:55.909 --> 00:05:55.919 | um you can gamble the adrenaline the

00:05:57.830 --> 00:05:57.840 | adrenaline and and

00:06:00.070 --> 00:06:00.080 | it's the same as a regular casino

00:06:02.390 --> 00:06:02.400 | yeah yeah i think you have drugs and you

00:06:03.909 --> 00:06:03.919 | have prostitutes as well

00:06:06.469 --> 00:06:06.479 | um there's all that infant there yeah

00:06:08.629 --> 00:06:08.639 | everything that's bad is in there that's

00:06:10.390 --> 00:06:10.400 | what i'm saying

00:06:12.390 --> 00:06:12.400 | everything that's bad is in there but

00:06:14.309 --> 00:06:14.319 | you need a little bad in your life

00:06:16.230 --> 00:06:16.240 | sometimes you need a little mixed bag

00:06:18.070 --> 00:06:18.080 | with the good

00:06:20.950 --> 00:06:20.960 | to balance things out yeah yeah that's

00:06:22.710 --> 00:06:22.720 | like that that's how i stay balanced

00:06:24.070 --> 00:06:24.080 | yeah

00:06:29.510 --> 00:06:29.520 | you can't be goody two shoes all the

00:06:31.270 --> 00:06:31.280 | time oh not all the time no one's

00:06:32.870 --> 00:06:32.880 | perfect

00:06:34.870 --> 00:06:34.880 | okay not even me

00:06:36.469 --> 00:06:36.479 | i'm trying to be the best me that i can

00:06:37.830 --> 00:06:37.840 | be

00:06:39.350 --> 00:06:39.360 | okay

00:06:41.830 --> 00:06:41.840 | my first interview

00:06:43.830 --> 00:06:43.840 | i said a lot about my mother and how she

00:06:45.510 --> 00:06:45.520 | was controlling but although she was

00:06:47.670 --> 00:06:47.680 | controlling she raised some damn good

00:06:48.629 --> 00:06:48.639 | kids

00:06:52.309 --> 00:06:52.319 | my sister has two businesses

00:06:57.510 --> 00:06:57.520 | she was like the chat you know she was

00:06:59.909 --> 00:06:59.919 | she had learning disabilities stuff so

00:07:02.710 --> 00:07:02.720 | we can all overcome our obstacles

00:07:05.029 --> 00:07:05.039 | any obstacle anything you can overcome

00:07:09.990 --> 00:07:10.000 | i'm not saying i'm clean and i'm off for

00:07:11.830 --> 00:07:11.840 | drugs but i'm saying i know how to deal

00:07:13.189 --> 00:07:13.199 | with it

00:07:14.469 --> 00:07:14.479 | it's helping me deal with a lot of

00:07:15.350 --> 00:07:15.360 | things

00:07:16.790 --> 00:07:16.800 | i've had a lot of things happen to me in

00:07:19.589 --> 00:07:19.599 | my life a lot of tragedies that i have

00:07:21.270 --> 00:07:21.280 | dealt with my sister being killed in

00:07:22.309 --> 00:07:22.319 | front of me

00:07:24.070 --> 00:07:24.080 | that was one of them

00:07:25.510 --> 00:07:25.520 | you know i have to deal with that i have

00:07:27.990 --> 00:07:28.000 | to forgive myself for that happening

00:07:30.070 --> 00:07:30.080 | and i came to grips that it wasn't my

00:07:33.270 --> 00:07:33.280 | and i couldn't have

00:07:35.270 --> 00:07:35.280 | known that he was going to do that

00:07:36.469 --> 00:07:36.479 | you know what i'm saying what he did

00:07:41.589 --> 00:07:41.599 | which was kill my sister

00:07:43.350 --> 00:07:43.360 | in broad daylight

00:07:49.990 --> 00:07:50.000 | he came out there to kill me

00:07:52.309 --> 00:07:52.319 | and she died for me

00:07:53.990 --> 00:07:54.000 | and i loved her forever for that i just

00:07:55.670 --> 00:07:55.680 | got a recent tattoo with her name on

00:07:57.510 --> 00:07:57.520 | there carrie

00:08:00.150 --> 00:08:00.160 | for my hand

00:08:02.469 --> 00:08:02.479 | how was she she was 30 years old when

00:08:03.990 --> 00:08:04.000 | that happened

00:08:04.869 --> 00:08:04.879 | uh

00:08:06.230 --> 00:08:06.240 | i'm

00:08:07.510 --> 00:08:07.520 | i'm just trying to be there for

00:08:08.869 --> 00:08:08.879 | everybody

00:08:10.230 --> 00:08:10.240 | that i can and i'm trying to be there

00:08:13.589 --> 00:08:13.599 | for me too um my niece who was growing

00:08:15.589 --> 00:08:15.599 | up without her mother now

00:08:21.430 --> 00:08:21.440 | a senseless act of violence domestic

00:08:22.550 --> 00:08:22.560 | violence

00:08:24.230 --> 00:08:24.240 | you know what i'm saying took her mother

00:08:27.830 --> 00:08:27.840 | away from here and

00:08:29.270 --> 00:08:29.280 | i'm just trying to help her grow into

00:08:31.110 --> 00:08:31.120 | the woman that she's going to be a good

00:08:32.230 --> 00:08:32.240 | girl

00:08:33.909 --> 00:08:33.919 | she doesn't like anybody looking at her

00:08:36.550 --> 00:08:36.560 | body she doesn't like you know she she's

00:08:38.630 --> 00:08:38.640 | very well preserved

00:08:40.389 --> 00:08:40.399 | and um

00:08:41.829 --> 00:08:41.839 | she's gonna be all right

00:08:43.670 --> 00:08:43.680 | shout outs to nevada

00:08:46.870 --> 00:08:46.880 | that's my baby that's my my niecey fool

00:08:47.990 --> 00:08:48.000 | i love her

00:08:50.790 --> 00:08:50.800 | and they got sequoia that's my niece too

00:08:51.670 --> 00:08:51.680 | she's a

00:08:54.630 --> 00:08:54.640 | entrepreneur she's 18. and she has

00:08:56.150 --> 00:08:56.160 | lashes

00:08:56.949 --> 00:08:56.959 | she

00:08:58.150 --> 00:08:58.160 | she has her own business she makes

00:09:04.150 --> 00:09:04.160 | eyelashes

00:09:07.030 --> 00:09:07.040 | my sister does amazing hair

00:09:09.350 --> 00:09:09.360 | she does hair

00:09:12.550 --> 00:09:12.560 | probably better than anybody i know

00:09:14.389 --> 00:09:14.399 | because my mama told her

00:09:16.630 --> 00:09:16.640 | that did you did she do your hair that

00:09:18.870 --> 00:09:18.880 | we're looking at right now um

00:09:21.110 --> 00:09:21.120 | you know what this is it's a wig

00:09:23.030 --> 00:09:23.040 | this is a quick fix

00:09:25.509 --> 00:09:25.519 | you know i like those quick fixes oh wow

00:09:27.990 --> 00:09:28.000 | i like a quick fix so this is one of

00:09:29.590 --> 00:09:29.600 | your sisters and your wigs

00:09:30.870 --> 00:09:30.880 | huh

00:09:33.350 --> 00:09:33.360 | you guys are amazing here we are

00:09:36.710 --> 00:09:36.720 | that looks like real hair it does it's

00:09:38.150 --> 00:09:38.160 | beautiful

00:09:39.350 --> 00:09:39.360 | it's one thing that i've learned how to

00:09:40.870 --> 00:09:40.880 | do which is

00:09:42.949 --> 00:09:42.959 | fix myself up i can spruce my i can

00:09:47.829 --> 00:09:47.839 | you wouldn't know what was going on in

00:09:49.750 --> 00:09:49.760 | the inside by looking at me on the

00:09:51.590 --> 00:09:51.600 | outside

00:09:52.870 --> 00:09:52.880 | is this the roughest patch of your life

00:09:53.829 --> 00:09:53.839 | right now

00:09:55.670 --> 00:09:55.680 | um this is

00:10:00.389 --> 00:10:00.399 | the best

00:10:02.389 --> 00:10:02.399 | yet is yet to come

00:10:05.190 --> 00:10:05.200 | like you know i feel like i have so much

00:10:07.509 --> 00:10:07.519 | more life ahead of me and i have so much

00:10:09.590 --> 00:10:09.600 | more to give and i want to encourage

00:10:11.110 --> 00:10:11.120 | people to

00:10:12.389 --> 00:10:12.399 | just

00:10:15.110 --> 00:10:15.120 | stay positive and and good will come to

00:10:16.069 --> 00:10:16.079 | you

00:10:19.670 --> 00:10:19.680 | you know and

00:10:21.670 --> 00:10:21.680 | going back to my we're talking about my

00:10:23.750 --> 00:10:23.760 | mother and her controlling ways she was

00:10:25.590 --> 00:10:25.600 | a controlling woman but she didn't have

00:10:27.430 --> 00:10:27.440 | no handbook on being a mother she didn't

00:10:29.110 --> 00:10:29.120 | have no instructions on being a mother

00:10:31.670 --> 00:10:31.680 | nobody told her what to do with her kids

00:10:34.630 --> 00:10:34.640 | she kept us in church and she

00:10:36.949 --> 00:10:36.959 | she did her best she could she always

00:10:38.949 --> 00:10:38.959 | did all she could for her kids she was

00:10:40.790 --> 00:10:40.800 | the best woman i know

00:10:42.790 --> 00:10:42.800 | and i didn't even know that she was

00:10:44.870 --> 00:10:44.880 | i looked just like her too

00:10:47.670 --> 00:10:47.680 | she was so beautiful and i didn't even

00:10:50.069 --> 00:10:50.079 | realize until she was already gone

00:10:52.150 --> 00:10:52.160 | she was already dead

00:10:53.829 --> 00:10:53.839 | i didn't realize how much i looked like

00:11:00.550 --> 00:11:00.560 | she was so awesome though she's the best

00:11:05.110 --> 00:11:05.120 | and she didn't have no teenage

00:11:07.350 --> 00:11:07.360 | pregnancies i didn't she didn't we

00:11:10.069 --> 00:11:10.079 | didn't have no bad times like

00:11:12.069 --> 00:11:12.079 | all i remember is the good times that we

00:11:18.550 --> 00:11:18.560 | she raised some good kids

00:11:21.269 --> 00:11:21.279 | we all fall short of the glory we all we

00:11:24.310 --> 00:11:24.320 | all go astray but that isn't

00:11:26.870 --> 00:11:26.880 | it doesn't define who you are

00:11:29.110 --> 00:11:29.120 | people stereotype us every day

00:11:31.750 --> 00:11:31.760 | prostitution

00:11:38.550 --> 00:11:38.560 | it's not a bad thing

00:11:40.829 --> 00:11:40.839 | i took the easy road i chose the easy

00:11:47.910 --> 00:11:47.920 | but i had housing i had section 8

00:11:50.310 --> 00:11:50.320 | my mother left it to me

00:11:53.350 --> 00:11:53.360 | i just wasn't ready to get it when i got

00:11:54.230 --> 00:11:54.240 | it

00:11:57.190 --> 00:11:57.200 | and i didn't know how to i took it for

00:11:59.030 --> 00:11:59.040 | granted and a lot of things i took for

00:12:00.629 --> 00:12:00.639 | granted in my life and i would never do

00:12:01.910 --> 00:12:01.920 | it again

00:12:03.670 --> 00:12:03.680 | if i had a chance to do it all over

00:12:04.550 --> 00:12:04.560 | again

00:12:06.069 --> 00:12:06.079 | i would listen to the things that she

00:12:07.110 --> 00:12:07.120 | told me

00:12:09.590 --> 00:12:09.600 | when she told me what she told me

00:12:10.949 --> 00:12:10.959 | she said

00:12:12.949 --> 00:12:12.959 | if my mother if somebody asked to move

00:12:15.670 --> 00:12:15.680 | in her house she would not let them come

00:12:17.750 --> 00:12:17.760 | period you ain't on that lease you ain't

00:12:19.509 --> 00:12:19.519 | getting in

00:12:20.389 --> 00:12:20.399 | so

00:12:22.710 --> 00:12:22.720 | these are the do's and don'ts

00:12:24.389 --> 00:12:24.399 | you know that's what

00:12:26.550 --> 00:12:26.560 | that's why i'm out of my housing now

00:12:28.629 --> 00:12:28.639 | because

00:12:31.030 --> 00:12:31.040 | i let some guy that didn't even want me

00:12:33.190 --> 00:12:33.200 | to have housing you know didn't even

00:12:36.069 --> 00:12:36.079 | want me to have nothing else but him

00:12:42.949 --> 00:12:42.959 | ultimately he was

00:12:45.990 --> 00:12:46.000 | out to kill me he wanted to kill me you

00:12:47.590 --> 00:12:47.600 | understand what i was saying he killed

00:12:48.949 --> 00:12:48.959 | my sister

00:12:53.030 --> 00:12:53.040 | that's how i lost my housing i did have

00:12:55.269 --> 00:12:55.279 | housing i had section eight

00:12:57.430 --> 00:12:57.440 | and uh what is section eight section

00:13:00.069 --> 00:13:00.079 | eight is uh subsidized housing for

00:13:01.750 --> 00:13:01.760 | low-income families

00:13:03.670 --> 00:13:03.680 | who can't afford their rent they have

00:13:05.990 --> 00:13:06.000 | paid some of your rent for you to keep

00:13:07.030 --> 00:13:07.040 | you housed

00:13:10.790 --> 00:13:10.800 | keep family's house in america

00:13:12.870 --> 00:13:12.880 | you had it and i had it but you lost it

00:13:15.829 --> 00:13:15.839 | too i lost it because this guy

00:13:17.910 --> 00:13:17.920 | was he didn't want me to have it he

00:13:19.269 --> 00:13:19.279 | didn't let me take care of none of my

00:13:24.629 --> 00:13:24.639 | he didn't want me to pay my rent he was

00:13:27.509 --> 00:13:27.519 | so happy when i lost it

00:13:29.190 --> 00:13:29.200 | he packed up all my [ __ ] and moved it

00:13:39.430 --> 00:13:39.440 | if i could do it all over again the day

00:13:41.110 --> 00:13:41.120 | he walked up to me and said do you need

00:13:42.870 --> 00:13:42.880 | help with your car

00:13:44.870 --> 00:13:44.880 | i just should have said no

00:13:47.030 --> 00:13:47.040 | i'm going to go to a mechanic

00:13:48.470 --> 00:13:48.480 | i don't want you working underneath my

00:13:53.590 --> 00:13:53.600 | if he the first time he hit me if i

00:13:55.590 --> 00:13:55.600 | would have left

00:14:03.269 --> 00:14:03.279 | if i've never made an excuse for why he

00:14:04.949 --> 00:14:04.959 | hit me

00:14:07.269 --> 00:14:07.279 | most better women do you make excuses

00:14:08.949 --> 00:14:08.959 | for the reason why he oh he hit me

00:14:10.790 --> 00:14:10.800 | because i was doing it's no reason why

00:14:12.069 --> 00:14:12.079 | god should hit you

00:14:13.430 --> 00:14:13.440 | the first time he hits you you should

00:14:14.829 --> 00:14:14.839 | leave

00:14:21.269 --> 00:14:21.279 | i know so many women that i've

00:14:22.310 --> 00:14:22.320 | interviewed

00:14:24.470 --> 00:14:24.480 | maybe you've seen me on my channel who

00:14:25.829 --> 00:14:25.839 | i'm laughing but it's not a laughing

00:14:27.350 --> 00:14:27.360 | matter

00:14:29.110 --> 00:14:29.120 | who just keep running back to the same

00:14:31.110 --> 00:14:31.120 | guy who beats gives him they make

00:14:32.949 --> 00:14:32.959 | excuses for less better woman's knocking

00:14:34.550 --> 00:14:34.560 | her teeth out blackouts

00:14:36.550 --> 00:14:36.560 | syndrome yeah i made excuses for guys

00:14:38.629 --> 00:14:38.639 | too and i'll never make an excuse never

00:14:43.350 --> 00:14:43.360 | the first time a mother a guy hits me

00:14:45.829 --> 00:14:45.839 | he has to go you can say [ __ ] he

00:14:47.750 --> 00:14:47.760 | has to go he just has to go the first

00:14:49.110 --> 00:14:49.120 | time that mostly

00:14:52.230 --> 00:14:52.240 | seriously he has to go

00:14:54.150 --> 00:14:54.160 | nobody should have to be hit for

00:14:55.509 --> 00:14:55.519 | anything if i can't hit you for

00:14:57.030 --> 00:14:57.040 | everything you say to me then you

00:14:58.629 --> 00:14:58.639 | shouldn't be able to hit me shouldn't be

00:15:00.150 --> 00:15:00.160 | nothing that makes the person put their

00:15:02.550 --> 00:15:02.560 | hands on you great you can you can hit a

00:15:04.150 --> 00:15:04.160 | [ __ ] with your words

00:15:05.910 --> 00:15:05.920 | you can cut them with your your tongue

00:15:07.750 --> 00:15:07.760 | is your sword

00:15:11.509 --> 00:15:11.519 | it's your sword that's the lethal weapon

00:15:16.870 --> 00:15:16.880 | you can hurt a [ __ ] with your

00:15:17.750 --> 00:15:17.760 | tongue

00:15:19.030 --> 00:15:19.040 | maybe

00:15:20.790 --> 00:15:20.800 | you can caress a person with your tongue

00:15:22.069 --> 00:15:22.079 | too

00:15:25.509 --> 00:15:25.519 | it works both ways yes it does

00:15:27.670 --> 00:15:27.680 | but uh

00:15:29.910 --> 00:15:29.920 | yes we didn't she was a good mother she

00:15:32.230 --> 00:15:32.240 | was awesome

00:15:37.829 --> 00:15:37.839 | you like your mom your personality

00:15:39.829 --> 00:15:39.839 | i mean you look like her but is your

00:15:41.749 --> 00:15:41.759 | personality like hers

00:15:42.790 --> 00:15:42.800 | you seem like the black sheep of your

00:15:43.910 --> 00:15:43.920 | family

00:15:46.310 --> 00:15:46.320 | um i was i am

00:15:48.550 --> 00:15:48.560 | i am

00:15:50.150 --> 00:15:50.160 | and i made myself the black sheep

00:15:51.350 --> 00:15:51.360 | because i don't have to be the black

00:15:53.110 --> 00:15:53.120 | sheep

00:15:55.269 --> 00:15:55.279 | everybody loves me they all love me

00:15:57.590 --> 00:15:57.600 | they all want me to be there but i was

00:16:00.949 --> 00:16:00.959 | punishing myself for my sister's death

00:16:06.870 --> 00:16:06.880 | and i've been living with that for the

00:16:08.550 --> 00:16:08.560 | past two years

00:16:09.990 --> 00:16:10.000 | that's what's kept me away from

00:16:12.389 --> 00:16:12.399 | everybody i stayed away from everyone

00:16:14.629 --> 00:16:14.639 | because of that i put it that was my

00:16:16.230 --> 00:16:16.240 | punishment for her dying and your

00:16:18.069 --> 00:16:18.079 | boyfriend who shot her is where he's in

00:16:21.030 --> 00:16:21.040 | jail he's doing 32 years

00:16:22.710 --> 00:16:22.720 | for killing my sister and trying to kill

00:16:23.829 --> 00:16:23.839 | me

00:16:25.829 --> 00:16:25.839 | i had to get justice for her

00:16:27.749 --> 00:16:27.759 | and i did it

00:16:29.350 --> 00:16:29.360 | i didn't want to

00:16:31.030 --> 00:16:31.040 | i it wasn't that i didn't want to it was

00:16:32.150 --> 00:16:32.160 | just that

00:16:33.430 --> 00:16:33.440 | i felt like

00:16:34.829 --> 00:16:34.839 | it was all my

00:16:41.590 --> 00:16:41.600 | i procrastinated

00:16:42.870 --> 00:16:42.880 | but

00:16:46.150 --> 00:16:46.160 | god wouldn't let it happen god wanted

00:16:47.990 --> 00:16:48.000 | me to do what i did

00:16:49.990 --> 00:16:50.000 | and i wanted it to because i know my

00:16:51.350 --> 00:16:51.360 | sister would do the same thing what were

00:16:52.629 --> 00:16:52.639 | the details why was he trying to shoot

00:16:54.790 --> 00:16:54.800 | you he was trying to shoot me because i

00:16:56.550 --> 00:16:56.560 | wouldn't go home

00:16:58.790 --> 00:16:58.800 | senseless it was just you can't make

00:16:59.990 --> 00:17:00.000 | someone do something that they don't

00:17:01.350 --> 00:17:01.360 | want to do

00:17:03.509 --> 00:17:03.519 | i told him i said if i come home on my

00:17:05.270 --> 00:17:05.280 | own it'll be better

00:17:07.510 --> 00:17:07.520 | just let me come on my own

00:17:11.350 --> 00:17:11.360 | and he didn't want he wanted to force me

00:17:13.270 --> 00:17:13.280 | and he came out there with a gun to

00:17:28.630 --> 00:17:28.640 | my sister was a victim of domestic

00:17:31.669 --> 00:17:31.679 | violence i tragically lost her because

00:17:37.750 --> 00:17:37.760 | she was my wing girl

00:17:46.870 --> 00:17:46.880 | she was not everything

00:17:49.590 --> 00:17:49.600 | but she couldn't live in my god is my

00:17:51.110 --> 00:17:51.120 | everything

00:17:51.990 --> 00:17:52.000 | you know

00:17:54.789 --> 00:17:54.799 | i just i just

00:17:56.789 --> 00:17:56.799 | in the second that he pointed that gun

00:17:58.310 --> 00:17:58.320 | at me that day

00:18:00.710 --> 00:18:00.720 | after he shot my sister and he pointed

00:18:02.470 --> 00:18:02.480 | the gun at me

00:18:05.350 --> 00:18:05.360 | i said i begged for my life you know

00:18:07.110 --> 00:18:07.120 | when i should have been doing what my

00:18:08.310 --> 00:18:08.320 | mother said

00:18:09.510 --> 00:18:09.520 | my mother said when you don't know what

00:18:11.909 --> 00:18:11.919 | to do call on the lord

00:18:13.909 --> 00:18:13.919 | and i should have been calling on god

00:18:16.310 --> 00:18:16.320 | begging god for my life but i was

00:18:17.990 --> 00:18:18.000 | begging this human

00:18:19.750 --> 00:18:19.760 | that couldn't even do he didn't care

00:18:21.590 --> 00:18:21.600 | what i was going to say that day he was

00:18:22.950 --> 00:18:22.960 | going to kill me

00:18:24.789 --> 00:18:24.799 | i begged him i said please tyrone you

00:18:26.630 --> 00:18:26.640 | don't have to do this please don't do

00:18:28.710 --> 00:18:28.720 | this and he said

00:18:31.990 --> 00:18:32.000 | [ __ ] the next one is for you

00:18:33.510 --> 00:18:33.520 | and he pointed that gun at me i looked

00:18:38.070 --> 00:18:38.080 | and she said

00:18:39.510 --> 00:18:39.520 | go get help

00:18:41.029 --> 00:18:41.039 | and i forgot everything that he was

00:18:43.750 --> 00:18:43.760 | doing and i ran past him and i ran in

00:18:45.270 --> 00:18:45.280 | the middle of the street to go get help

00:18:51.029 --> 00:18:51.039 | you know so that changed my whole life

00:18:52.549 --> 00:18:52.559 | that's why i became addicted to the

00:18:53.990 --> 00:18:54.000 | streets

00:19:03.830 --> 00:19:03.840 | for my sister's death that i felt

00:19:09.270 --> 00:19:09.280 | i knew it was all my fault

00:19:10.390 --> 00:19:10.400 | but it wasn't

00:19:12.549 --> 00:19:12.559 | because i couldn't control anything that

00:19:14.390 --> 00:19:14.400 | happened that day

00:19:19.510 --> 00:19:19.520 | because i was shot in the same spot she

00:19:21.110 --> 00:19:21.120 | was shot at

00:19:22.390 --> 00:19:22.400 | same spot

00:19:24.310 --> 00:19:24.320 | he was shot in the i got shot that's

00:19:26.070 --> 00:19:26.080 | where my sister was shot at

00:19:28.070 --> 00:19:28.080 | and god allowed me to live

00:19:30.070 --> 00:19:30.080 | and he allowed her to die

00:19:31.190 --> 00:19:31.200 | you know you got to be careful what you

00:19:32.630 --> 00:19:32.640 | asked god for

00:19:34.310 --> 00:19:34.320 | you guys shot another time just to be

00:19:37.029 --> 00:19:37.039 | clear yes just recently yes i just was

00:19:39.750 --> 00:19:39.760 | shot recent on october the 30th the day

00:19:41.830 --> 00:19:41.840 | before halloween i was shot but my

00:19:43.510 --> 00:19:43.520 | sister was shot

00:19:45.669 --> 00:19:45.679 | two years prior to that three years

00:19:47.350 --> 00:19:47.360 | prior to that

00:19:49.430 --> 00:19:49.440 | her life was taken away from her

00:19:52.230 --> 00:19:52.240 | by my boyfriend

00:19:56.710 --> 00:19:56.720 | i was punishing myself for that by

00:19:58.710 --> 00:19:58.720 | staying in the streets staying away from

00:20:02.950 --> 00:20:02.960 | when really i should have been closer to

00:20:07.830 --> 00:20:07.840 | and maybe a lot of things that we went

00:20:09.830 --> 00:20:09.840 | through that i go that i went through i

00:20:12.789 --> 00:20:12.799 | didn't have to go through those things

00:20:14.149 --> 00:20:14.159 | but they happen and you live and you

00:20:15.830 --> 00:20:15.840 | learn

00:20:17.350 --> 00:20:17.360 | so i've learned from those mistakes

00:20:20.149 --> 00:20:20.159 | that's what i learned from my mistakes

00:20:21.830 --> 00:20:21.840 | learned

00:20:28.549 --> 00:20:28.559 | now i just want to help people

00:20:30.549 --> 00:20:30.559 | i truly and genuinely want to help

00:20:31.830 --> 00:20:31.840 | people

00:20:35.510 --> 00:20:35.520 | okay i want my sister name not to go

00:20:37.830 --> 00:20:37.840 | if i could tell a thousand girls

00:20:40.630 --> 00:20:40.640 | a million girls today that the second a

00:20:42.230 --> 00:20:42.240 | guy hits them

00:20:43.590 --> 00:20:43.600 | they should leave

00:20:45.590 --> 00:20:45.600 | they should just leave

00:20:48.549 --> 00:20:48.559 | don't make no excuse for no man get the

00:20:51.190 --> 00:20:51.200 | [ __ ] up out of there

00:20:53.990 --> 00:20:54.000 | period take your kids take whatever you

00:20:56.870 --> 00:20:56.880 | can take and get on

00:20:58.870 --> 00:20:58.880 | you'll thank yourself a whole you you

00:21:01.590 --> 00:21:01.600 | feel a whole lot

00:21:05.510 --> 00:21:05.520 | a like you have much more life like

00:21:07.590 --> 00:21:07.600 | life is worth living

00:21:11.750 --> 00:21:11.760 | and she had her whole life ahead of her

00:21:21.029 --> 00:21:21.039 | i just

00:21:23.990 --> 00:21:24.000 | i i personally i want to start a a

00:21:26.470 --> 00:21:26.480 | non-profit organization

00:21:28.950 --> 00:21:28.960 | in the name of kerry marie trotter

00:21:32.230 --> 00:21:32.240 | who died for me her sister

00:21:36.549 --> 00:21:36.559 | i want to want to help girls who are in

00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:39.440 | the same situation that i was in

00:21:42.710 --> 00:21:42.720 | i want them to get temporary shelter

00:21:45.270 --> 00:21:45.280 | temporary housing

00:21:46.470 --> 00:21:46.480 | and uh

00:21:49.350 --> 00:21:49.360 | i just want to mentor them

00:21:51.430 --> 00:21:51.440 | and tell them that everything is going

00:21:53.669 --> 00:21:53.679 | to be okay there is a light at the end

00:21:55.190 --> 00:21:55.200 | of the tunnel

00:21:59.110 --> 00:21:59.120 | tell me about your father

00:22:02.149 --> 00:22:02.159 | tell me who your father my father

00:22:05.029 --> 00:22:05.039 | my father was an awesome guy he was

00:22:06.070 --> 00:22:06.080 | he was

00:22:08.390 --> 00:22:08.400 | he could sell salt to a slug

00:22:09.990 --> 00:22:10.000 | he was a hustler

00:22:12.710 --> 00:22:12.720 | he had no high school diplomas he had no

00:22:13.990 --> 00:22:14.000 | degrees

00:22:16.549 --> 00:22:16.559 | but he was a he was there for us he was

00:22:18.710 --> 00:22:18.720 | always there he had nothing but time for

00:22:20.789 --> 00:22:20.799 | his kids

00:22:25.430 --> 00:22:25.440 | he's always there he didn't have much

00:22:30.549 --> 00:22:30.559 | and i loved him too

00:22:32.549 --> 00:22:32.559 | he looked just alive he and your mom had

00:22:33.750 --> 00:22:33.760 | a good relationship

00:22:36.149 --> 00:22:36.159 | yes hey you know what you know what

00:22:38.390 --> 00:22:38.400 | he never hit her

00:22:40.710 --> 00:22:40.720 | she hit him

00:22:42.870 --> 00:22:42.880 | it was the other way around

00:22:45.590 --> 00:22:45.600 | my mom wouldn't let no man hit her

00:22:46.870 --> 00:22:46.880 | that's why i couldn't understand why i

00:22:48.870 --> 00:22:48.880 | let a man hit me because my mama i

00:22:50.630 --> 00:22:50.640 | didn't i didn't learn that from my mama

00:22:52.310 --> 00:22:52.320 | i never watched my mama get beat by no

00:22:53.990 --> 00:22:54.000 | man

00:23:01.510 --> 00:23:01.520 | but i won't accept it ever again

00:23:03.190 --> 00:23:03.200 | the next man i fall in love with is

00:23:05.430 --> 00:23:05.440 | gonna be a big huge teddy bear he's

00:23:07.029 --> 00:23:07.039 | gonna be mean to everybody else and nice

00:23:13.110 --> 00:23:13.120 | you deserve it i do

00:23:14.070 --> 00:23:14.080 | that and

00:23:20.549 --> 00:23:20.559 | all right amber thank you for coming

00:23:22.710 --> 00:23:22.720 | back thank you so much for having me

00:23:24.390 --> 00:23:24.400 | stay out of those casitas

00:23:27.029 --> 00:23:27.039 | i'll stay in them because i like drama

00:23:29.190 --> 00:23:29.200 | you like drama i like trauma it's the

00:23:35.430 --> 00:23:35.440 | kill me because i like drama

00:23:38.470 --> 00:23:38.480 | hey i like it you're like

00:23:40.230 --> 00:23:40.240 | so we we need a little drama everybody

00:23:41.510 --> 00:23:41.520 | needs drama

00:23:49.990 --> 00:23:50.000 | just don't [ __ ] me

00:23:51.909 --> 00:23:51.919 | all right y'all thank you love you mark

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